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by orphan_account



Category: Frank Iero and the Future Violents (Band), Frank Iero and the Patience, Gerard Way and the Hormones, My Chemical Romance, frnkiero andthe cellabration
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anorexia, Basement Gerard Way, Binge-Eating Disorder, Body Image, Bulimia, Chubby Gerard Way, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Eating Disorders, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Female Frank Iero, Female Gerard Way, Food, Frankie is being really sweet, Frerard, Lesbian Character, Mental Health Issues, One Shot, Revenge Era Frank Iero, Revenge Era Gerard Way, Self-Esteem Issues, Weight Gain, Weight Issues, and gee is being kind of an asshole but its bc she's really going through it, binge eating, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-08-13
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:42:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25454101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Through her tears, Gee laughed but there was no humor in her tone. “Frankie. Do I fucking look like I need ice cream?”
Relationships: Frank Iero/Gerard Way
Comments: 4
Kudos: 62





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**Author's Note:**

> i haven't written anything in years at this point, i already know that this sucks. i'm trying to get back into writing, so any comments/criticism would be highly appreciated! anyway, this is completely a vent fic (if there is such a thing) and i know its probably weird. i wrote this because i've gained weight recently and feel disgusting about it and god damn, i just want someone to treat me like frankie treats gee. i'm fuckin struggling bro !!! (gee's character/actions are based on how i personally experience disordered eating)

Gee Way was freaking the fuck out. She and Frankie had been away at their respective colleges across states for almost four months. In just a couple of hours, she would see her girlfriend for the first time since starting school. Gee should be ecstatic, but she was not. She was far from it, actually. In the few months the girls had been away from each other, Gee had gained weight. More than just the typical "freshman 15" she had worried about months ago, it more like the "freshman 36.7," as of that morning. She’d always been a chubby girl, no matter how hard she had tried to lose weight. She knew that it was noticeable too, and she was beyond the point of hiding it. She overheard her parents talking about it the night she had arrived home from college. _"I can't believe how heavy Gee got"_ she heard her mother's voice in her mind. To her face, Gee's mother told her "you're just filling out," but they both knew that was an understatement.

The weight wasn't only just noticeable by the way her clothes clung tightly to her form, but also by the angry, inflamed stretch marks that were forming on her stomach, hips, thighs, and upper arms. The lines of silver, red, and purple only served as a reminder of Gee's fucked up eating habits. She never had a healthy relationship with her body or food, and this had presented in the form of her starving herself in middle school, then purging her meals throughout high school. Her past few months away at school had been isolating, not having made many friends and preferring to keep to her dorm room. Her roommate more often than not slept in her boyfriend's dorm, so Gee was mostly alone. Knowing that many people were partying or hanging with their friends heightened her sense of loneliness and left her feeling empty. Over time, she began filling that void with food. She'd start out just snacking a little, but her self awareness seemed to vanish as she binged. Realizing how much she'd eaten would send her into spirals of guilt, which could only be mended by more binging. The cycle would repeat itself, and there were times when Gee would binge almost nightly. Frankie knew nothing about Gee's binging problem, and she intended to keep it that way.

It was now two hours before Frankie was supposed to come to Gee's house. They had planned on just hanging out, listening to music, and watching movies. Gee wanted to be happy, but she was sick with fear. Fear that Frankie would find her repulsive and break up with her. Or make fun of her. Or get upset with her for making herself look like that. Any negative thought was racing through Gee's mind. She was creating a mess of her closet trying to find something that fit her, but all of her favorite clothes were too small for her bigger frame. She sat on her bed, tears welling in her eyes. Staring at her reflection in the mirror hanging from the closet door, in only an ill-fitting bra and underwear that dug into her soft middle, accentuating the extra weight, she stood up to examine herself from any angle she could think of, as if to prove to herself that this wasn't really her body. She hated the way fat was beginning to extend over the hem of her underwear, and how far her lower stomach stuck out. She brushed her finger tips lightly over the deep stretch marks on her lower belly and across her hips, pinching black painted nails deeply into her fleshy sides, allowing herself to feel the sting. Tears streamed down her round cheeks, which she wiped away with a trembling hand. She let herself cry for a few minutes, trying to ignore the way her gut appeared to shake as she sobbed. As Gee's tears slowed and breathing calmed, she felt the emptiness crawl out from her chest, spreading through her whole body until she felt like a shell of a person, sitting on her bed with no purpose. After a few more moments, Gee got up and pulled a once-oversized black and grey striped sweater that was in the back of her closet over her middle, doing her best to obscure the shape. She walked to her dresser to grab a pair of socks, and on top, found a pre-packaged bag of cookies she had brought home with her. Mindlessly, she opened the bag and took one out and began eating, wanting the hollowness in her heart to go away. She took the bag with her back on her bed, where Gee had sat back down to put her socks on. She grabbed her laptop and settled into a comfortable position to watch a couple of episodes of Its Always Sunny to distract herself before Frankie arrived.

...

_**Be there in 10, can't wait! xo.** _

Gee was broken out of her daze by the sudden vibration of her cell phone. She looked at her latest text message through tired eyes. It took a moment for the message to register in her head, but as soon as it did, she was overcome with guilt and embarrassment worse than ever before. Looking around at her surroundings, various wrappers and bags littered her bed. She had binged again, minutes before her unsuspecting girlfriend arrived. In a panic, she hauled herself off her bed, despite how uncomfortably heavy she felt. She picked up all of the wrappers she could see and shoved them into her pillowcase, hoping that would be a sufficient hiding spot. Her heart was pounding and hands shaking as she looked for any pants that would fit her, settling for black leggings that smelled clean enough and were able to stretch around her distended stomach. Her face was flushed pink from how uneasy she felt due in part to the quantity of food she'd eaten, as well as how embarrassed she was about it. Her inky black hair was pulled back with a scrunchie, but she loosened it, letting her hair frame her face and hoping it would camouflage her rounded cheeks and undefined jaw. Feeling restless, but too full to move much, Gee dug through her bag to find cigarettes and a lighter, and brought one up to her full lips. She watched herself smoke in the mirror, sitting at the edge of her bed. Inhaling each drag was laborious, the weight in her swollen middle felt as if it was keeping her anchored down. As she sat, she could see the faint shape of her abdomen under her sweater. She glanced at her figure in the mirror, taking in the sight with disgust. Under her leggings, her already rotund figure was strained further outwards, making her look even bigger. "I'm so fucking stupid" Gee muttered to herself, finishing the last drag of her cigarette. As she leaned over to the ash tray on her night table, her phone started buzzing and Frankie's contact flashed on the screen. Maybe if she ignored her, Frankie would just leave and forget Gee in favor of a prettier, smaller girl with a normal relationship to her body and food, Gee thought to herself. Frankie deserved that much, a pretty girlfriend who wasn't a complete fuck up. Gee curled up in the corner of her bed, hugging a pillow over her middle. Her phone still buzzing from Frankie's call.

Frankie called twice after that, Gee still ignoring her phone, too ashamed to face her petite girlfriend. Part of her wanted to be angry at Frankie for choosing someone as disgusting as Gee, when she could easily have any girl she wanted. She feared that maybe Frankie only stayed with her as a joke and when they weren’t together, she said cruel things about her. This fear was worsened by Gee’s current state- _how could anyone find **this** pretty?_ She thought to herself. Her phone buzzed again, indicating a text.

**_Gee? I’m here!_ **

_Fuck._ Gee thought to herself. She disregarded the message, burying her face into one of the many pillows scattered on her bed. She tried to think of what to do. She could break up with Frankie. Not that she wanted to, but it would be better for the other girl in the long run. But what would she say? _“Sorry, we have to breakup because I’m fat and unlovable?”_ That wasn’t reason enough to break up with someone. She could tell her to leave. As much as Gee wanted that, she didn’t want to hurt her girlfriend’s feelings, especially after the time they’d spent apart. Gee wanted nothing more than to cuddle up against Frankie, and hold her close but she knew she couldn’t do that now. She felt too different, looked too different. She got another text, this time from Mikey.

**_frankies here. r u gonna let her in??_ **

Not wanting to ignore her younger brother, Gee responded with

**_idk_ **

Knowing this answer would cause confusion, Gee kept her phone beside her so she could give him a bullshit response to whatever he had to say. She received back a simple

**_???_ **

And not in the mood to further talk, she sent her brother one more short message.

_**¯\\_(ツ)_/¯** _

Gee felt a little better, if only for a few moments, now that she had established that she did not want to be seen. But this was soon overshadowed by immense guilt. She knew she was a bad person. A bad person for doing this to herself. A bad person for shutting Frankie and her brother out because she was too ashamed to be seen. Not wanting to think about Frankie, or herself any longer, she plugged in her earbuds and turned her music up to the highest volume without giving a second thought towards hearing damage. She rolled over on her bed to face her wall, tears once again forming in her eyes. As she listened to music and disregarded the world around her, she noticed movement out of the corner of her eye and before she could register what was happening, Frankie was standing at the foot of Gee’s bed. “Fran-?” Gee began to question, before the other girl interrupted. “Mikey let me in, he has a spare key to the outside basement door.” _Motherfucker_ , she thought. Frankie stood there, fidgeting kind of awkwardly clearly not knowing what to do. Gee sat up, rubbing the tears from her eyes with her sweater sleeves. She sniffled a little, and quietly said “hi” with a sad smile on her lips. A look of concern flashed across Frankie’s face, before sitting down cross legged on Gee’s bed, her tote bag in front of her. “Are you okay?” Frankie asked softly, reaching her hand out to Gee’s leg, placing it gently above her knee. Gee stiffened up as she did this, and Frankie took it as a sign to drop her hand. An uncomfortable moment passed, and whatever Gee was going to say only came out as a choked sob. It was as if every emotion she’d felt in the previous months, guilt, embarrassment, fear, anger, shame, all came flooding out of her. She again faced the wall, burying her face in her sweater-sleeved hands as she cried. She was mortified that Frankie was seeing her like this, puffy faced from crying, and almost 40 pounds heavier than the last time they’d been together. Through her tears with a shaky voice, Gee said “just leave if you want.” The girl tried not to make eye contact with Frankie, knowing it would only upset her more. Instead of turning away and going out the door as Gee had expected, Frankie brought a tattooed hand up to Gee’s face, cradling her cheek with calloused fingers. The gesture made Gee cringe, not wanting her girlfriend to notice her rounded face. She didn’t pull away from Frankie this time, as she tipped Gee’s chin to look her in the eyes. Before she could turn away, Frankie sternly asked “Gee, why the fuck would I want to leave?” Gee averted her eyes away from her girlfriend, not wanting to answer the question. Another stream of tears flowed down her face, trickling onto Frankie’s hand. She pulled her hand away from Gee’s cheek and reached into her bag. “Come on, I brought our favorite movies and I went out and got you that ice cream you love! Mikey put it in the freezer” Frankie exclaimed, hoping this would make Gee feel better. It _should_ have made her feel better, knowing that her girlfriend thought of her when she picked out the dessert, but it did nothing to console her embarrassment. Through her tears, Gee laughed but there was no humor in her tone. “Frankie. Do I fucking look like I need ice cream?” She then got up angrily, still feeling weighed down from her binge, and slammed the door as she walked into her bathroom.

Gee stood in front of the mirror, trying to suppress her loud sobs and heavy breathing. She splashed cold water over her splotchy face, wiping away the dark makeup that had trailed under her eyes. She knew she was being unfair to Frankie, who had meant no harm by buying her the ice cream. Gee was grateful that her girlfriend went out of her way to get it, but it still felt like an insult. She sat down on the bench where she usually did her makeup, and reapplied some eyeliner and mascara. Frankie hadn’t gotten up to knock at the door, or ask Gee what was wrong, and she figured maybe she decided she _should_ leave Gee. As she lined her hazel eyes in an attempt to make herself feel even just a little prettier, she heard the crinkling of paper and saw a pastel pink post-it note slide under the bathroom door. _I’m sorry_ it read in Frankie’s messy scrawl. Gee softly smiled to herself, she had wanted Frankie to stay despite her protests against it. Searching for something to write with, and settling for an old eyeliner pencil, Gee thought of something to say back. She furrowed her eyebrows as she thought, tapping the pencil against the table. _no, don’t be. i’m sorry for acting like this_. She gave it another minute or so before sliding the post-it back under the door. Still not ready to leave the bathroom and face her girlfriend, she sat back down on the bench, checking for chips in her black nail polish. Another note was slipped under the door. _I love you so much, Gee_ , it read. And so, they went back and forth

_i love you too -G_

_You’re cute_

_no i am most certainly not. you’re cute_

_I miss you..._

Gee didn’t want to keep passing notes back and forth like a couple of middle schoolers, so taking a deep breath and trying to ignore her reflection, she opened up the bathroom door where Frankie was standing on the other side, looking as if she were about to knock. Before thinking, Gee threw her arms around the smaller girl, not realizing how much she needed the affection. Feeling Frankie’s arms tightly wrap around her larger figure was equal parts comforting and terrifying, and the fact that the weight around Gee’s middle was probably noticeable in Frankie’s tight hug made her want to run and hide again. She buried her face into her girlfriend’s shoulder, and half-whispered “I’m sorry.” Running tattooed fingers through Gee’s raven colored hair, Frankie asked “do you want to talk about it?” Gee thought for a moment, but shook her head no, still sniffling every couple of minutes from crying. Not seeming satisfied with her answer, Frankie pulled away from Gee looking serious, grabbing one of her soft, pale hands as she looked into the taller girl’s sad eyes. “Can we talk it about when you feel a little better? I don’t want you going through whatever is upsetting you like this alone, Gee. I won’t let you carry that burden.” Gee scoffed, looking back at Frankie, who’s petite body stood before hers, only deepening her self-hatred. “What if that burden was attached to my body?” She dropped her hand from Frankie’s, making fists with her sleeves and crossing her arms over her torso. Looking lost, Frankie began to ask “What do you mea-“ but Gee cut her off sharply, saying “can you please stop pretending its not fucking obvious? Look at me, Frankie.” Gee gestured to herself, and Frankie’s heart ached. She hated that her girlfriend was so upset. “I still don’t get it, Gee. There’s nothing wrong with you.” Exasperated, Gee sighed, and said “Frankie. I’ve gained _so much_ weight.” She paused, breaking eye contact with the small girl, who looked up at her with wide eyes. “Like forty fucking pounds. I’m disgusting.” Suddenly, the smaller girl’s forlorn expression was hardened into one of annoyance. “I don’t _ **ever** _want to hear you call yourself disgusting again, Gee. I fucking mean that.” Her voice came out bolder than intended, and Gee looked shocked by the sudden change in her temperament. “I’m just being honest” Gee murmured, looking down shyly. Realizing she had probably further upset the already sensitive girl, Frankie tried to soften her expression, and snaked her arms around Gee’s waist. Not letting her try to squirm away from the contact, Frankie kept her inked arms locked in place as she looked up at her girlfriend. “Gee. I don’t care whatyour body looks like, or how much weight you’ve gained. I still think you’re the most beautiful girl I will ever see in my life, and any lives that come after this.”

Gee considered Frankie’s words, mulling over them in her head until she said in a low, sad voice “I don’t think I believe you.” Frankie did not plan to let Gee keep feeling like this. She wanted to prove to her that she did in fact think she was beautiful. “I want to show you how beautiful I think you are, Gee” she said, determined to make her feel pretty and loved. Frankie leaned forward and cupped inked hands around Gee’s round, rosy cheeks and pressed a kiss to the tip of her nose, feeling eyelashes flutter against her skin. “You have the most perfect nose” She said, as she leaned out of the quick kiss. The pink hue of Gee’s skin deepened, as the ghost of a smile appeared on her lips. Frankie took Gee by the hand, leading her to sit down on the unmade bed. “I love thinking about all of the art these beautiful hands can create.” Gee looked down at her hands, Frankie’s tattoos contrasting sharply with her pale skin. She started moving her hands upwards, “is this okay?” Gee nodded her head yes, allowing Frankie to bring her hands further up, placing them on her upper arms. “Your arms are the best for hugs, they make me feel safe and warm.” Gee sunk into the hug, taking in the warmth radiating from Frankie’s small frame. Frankie’s arms were wrapped around Gee’s torso, which made her feel overly self-conscious, but the longer she hugged her, the less she cared. Frankie’s hands started migrating down Gee’s sides, resting on her soft hips. “You don’t have to hide yourself under that big sweater, y’know” Frankie mumbled, looking up to meet Gee’s large, scared eyes. Diverting her gaze away from the smaller girl, Gee barely whispered “Frankie, I don’t want you to be disappointed in me.” getting frustrated at Gee’s reluctance to accept any praise or compliments, Frankie retorted “do you really think I’m that shallow? That I would be _disappointed_ in you for gaining weight? I’m not a high school fucking gym teacher Gee, I’m your girlfriend.” Gee looked lost, and didn’t know what to say. She knew Frankie was right, that she wouldn’t be disappointed in her, but it didn’t change the overwhelming feeling of disappointment in herself for gaining weight. Before the air between the two got too uncomfortably silent, Frankie leaned in closer to her girlfriend to whisper in her ear. “The weight suits you so well, Gee. You look fuckin’ hot.” Her face turned scarlet, and she tried to hide a small smile. “I hope you believe me” Frankie said, trying to lock eyes with her girlfriend, who was avoiding eye contact. “Can I see you, Gee?” Frankie pleaded, desperate for her to feel how adored she was. She was sincere in everything she said to her, and hoped that she could make that known. “I’ll take my shirt off too if that’ll make you feel more comfortable” Frankie suggested. Gee finally caught her gaze, and softly said “okay.”

“Can you go first?” Gee asked, still nervous to be seen. “Of course, princess” Frankie responded, already pulling her shirt off. Gee stared at her girlfriend both lovingly and jealously. “I wish I looked like you.” She said, looking at the way Frankie was free of the inflamed, red marks that painted her own skin, and how her middle barely extended past the waistband of her jeans. After a couple of seconds of staring at her girlfriend, Gee slowly lifted the sweater over her head, exposing her pudgy middle. She felt so vulnerable, feeling her fleshy stomach curve over the band of her leggings, as she tried to sink into herself and become invisible to Frankie, who was gazing at her in awe. “Gee, I-“ Frankie grabbed Gee’s face, pulling her in for a sloppy, but adoring kiss. “Fuck, you’re so beautiful” She said as she broke the kiss to catch her breath. She leaned back in, leaving a trail of warm kisses down Gee’s neck, the stretch marks on her arms, her hips, and her belly. “You’re so soft and pretty, babe. You have the cutest tummy.” Gee giggled a little at how enamored Frankie was by Gee’s chubby figure. “Are you sure you don’t mind how I look? I’ve got these ugly fucking stretch marks” Gee said, worried that Frankie would find something she didn’t like and realize how ugly her girlfriend was. Frankie was curled into Gee’s pillowy side, tracing the stretch marks on her lower abdomen, feeling the crater-like depressions they left in her skin. She thought the marks were art. To Frankie, Gee was the most beautiful sculpture of Aphrodite, everything about her was perfectly feminine and angelic. “Gee. your stretch marks are beautiful. I think _everything_ about you is beautiful.” The girls stayed on Gee’s bed, cuddling. Gee stroked Frankie’s hair while Frankie absentmindedly brushed her fingers across Gee’s stomach.

“Do you really mean it? That you think everything about me is beautiful?” Gee asked in a sleepy voice. Frankie tightened her grip around Gee, pulling her closer. “Of course I mean it. You’re fucking perfect.” Gee considered Frankie’s words for a moment, wondering if Frankie would still find her beautiful if she gained even more weight, or if it was conditional. For now, she believed her girlfriend. “Okay,” she said softly. Gee kissed the top of Frankie’s head, and whispered “thank you.” The small girl snuggled in closer to Gee, and murmured a tired “love you.” A few more moments passed of the girls adoring the other’s presence before Gee broke the silence. “Frankie, can I have some of that ice cream now?”


End file.
